I’ve always been fascinated and inspired by the idea of CHAOS. Some might find this idea frightening or intimidating but for whatever reason, it’s always felt comfortable and exciting to me. The idea that there are things out of our control with force and power guided by an invisible hand. In my mind, it takes some of the pressure off of my drive and desire to create. Some artists are very precise and mathematical in their practice, this is not me. I am intuitive with my workflow and I invite chaos into my practice to make order out of it. My favorite type of art making is to NOT HAVE A PLAN this goes against all reason and logic for most people but it is the most enjoyable surprise to create something unexpected, that’s never been done before. There are plenty of artists like me but none of them can do exactly what I do with the exact skill set I have and while a style can be imitated the content and context is a purely personal experience and expression.
I was inspired to write this post after watching this video HERE called “Being an artist is lonely by Dr. Ken Atchity” It talks about a “continent of reason” and how most people that live in the continent of reason cannot comprehend why I’ve chosen to opt out of a 9-5 job, to opt out of so-called “stability”. Well, I can’t say I haven’t tried but what I can say is that it mostly doesn’t work for me for the exact reasons outlined in this video. Basically, if you show up at 8:45 for your job you’re a superb go-getter! If however, you show at 9:05 you’re a jerk that is in danger of losing your job. LIFE IS NOT THIS RIGID. I DO NOT GET HUNGRY AT EXACTLY 12pm & 6pm every single day. There are variables that should be accounted for and embraced! Who gives a fuck if you’re 5 minutes late on a regular basis. People on the continent of reason do, people that desire consistency and regulation, something predictable. All of this sounds like death to me. I eat when I’m hungry and could care less what time it is. This to me is reasonable. Now, this isn’t to say that I don’t swing in and out of these “regular schedules” I also teach in school districts but I get to CHOOSE when I’m available and willing to show up.
I guess what I’m trying to articulate here is that oftentimes when you’re an artist there are very few people cheering you on and the older you get the less impressive your accomplishments are in some ways because there’s always someone else doing bigger, better things.
But WHO CARES?
Not getting started is a betrayal to yourself in the highest regard, having an inspired thought that never gets off the ground is still a tragedy and a little death. It’s ignoring a calling which is easy to do with so many distractions. You could put off that amazing project you know you were destined to do until you end up dead and then it’s gone. The idea is a ghost and maybe you’ll end up haunting this world calling out for that desire that you so longed to fulfill and create. That certainly would be a terrible tragedy, so the older I get the less fucks I have to give because there’s a million and one reasons NOT TO and regardless of reason, writing, painting, collaging, making t-shirts, making music, teaching these are all things I HAVE TO DO. If I’m not doing these things then I’m not living and regardless of circumstance I know I’m not done yet. There is always more work to be done. I like the idea of the artist being someone who creates order out of chaos. This idea gives me peace of mind and a sense of purpose which I think is ultimately what every artist wants and ultimately needs.